Ask the Question 3: Book Study, Forgiveness

 We ran out of time for a number of questions asked in worship on February 19. Here are responses to those questions.  Red questions were submitted on line.  Blue questions were hand written submissions from Sunday.

A quick reminder that these are my opinions. They do not represent any "official" position of First Congregational Church of La Grange, or of the United Church of Christ. 

How do I reserve for the Lent Book Study on Jesus and John Wayne?

Ah, that's easy!  Contact Adrienne in the church office at Mainoffice @ FCCLG . org  (Spaces omitted) and ask for the link to join the class.  

Can you speak on forgiveness? of Ourselves and to others?

(See also this blog post from a lot of years ago, and/or this one from more recently)

We tend to think that we forgive someone for their sake. The opposite is true.  Forgiveness letting go so that the hurt will no longer carry its power over you, releasing the experience from those things that weigh down your very being, changing your relationship with the anger, regret, vengeance, pain, and  even guilt that an experience has dealt you.  

The line in the Jesus Prayer (AKA The Lord's Prayer) says, "Forgive us our debts [sins] as [in proportion to how] we forgive our debtors [sins against us].  The translation of the Greek words as "debts" and "debtors" is unfortunate.  If someone's debt is forgiven, we tend to think they did not rightly keep their promise to pay back what was taken.  (Reference the argument about forgiving Student College Debt.)  This is transactional, measureable, and fact based.  Jesus was not transactional; Jesus was about extravagant grace, unwavering love. He also set firm boundaries around these values.

Humans are not transactional or measureable, and we each have a different concept of what is the truth or fact. We are feeling, emotional, intuitive beings.  When we have been hurt, when we have been wronged, we carry the pain, anger, disappointment, and desire to make right the situation in our hearts -- and in our heads. We rationalize why and how the source of that pain, disappointment, and anger should be treated to make the situation right.  This is the basis of our justice system's use of the death penalty. Yet, killing the convicted murderer does not bring back the dead. The pain, loss, anger, and changed future still remain after the convicted one is dead.

Forgiveness has nothing to do with the repentance of another person even if they are the perpetrator of your pain. Forgiveness is not about the relationship between two people.  Forgiveness is about the role of the power of the shadow of an experience plays in your day to day living.  

So, how do we resolve that pain, loss, anger, and disappointment?  By transforming those feelings so that they do not shade how we function, how we see the world, and how we live our lives. This is hard work and possibly will require reaching out for assistance, especially if the "wrong" was traumatic, physical, or psychological in nature. But it can be -- and must be -- done if we are going to be free of the burden.