The Real Threat to Traditional Marriage?

A couple of days ago, President Obama announced that his position on same gender marriage had evolved to one of acceptance of equal marriage rights.  Immediately the blasts came from all corners about this position. Prophesies about the "war on traditional marriage" fill the airwaves and the internet. And I have difficulty understanding this perspective. Has anyone looked at the state of marriage in this country lately?  Have you seen the statistics about divorce?  Really, if there is any threat to "traditional marriage" it is having a nonchalant attitude toward the permanence of the marriage relationship. 

Divorce rates are high.  Some should never have happened to begin with (see my previous post).  I understand why some marriages don't last.    Infidelity happens. People change.  I get that.  There are those who work hard to repair a relationship and just can't work it out for what ever reason.  We are all human and we fail at the perfection test.  

But, there are those who don't try to work at their relationships.  Specifically, I'm referring to those -- particularly certain public figures -- have been through many marriages that have ended in "irreconcilable differences." Is the pattern not obvious to these people?  If at first you don't succeed, learn something from your failure and get it right the next time.  I can't speak from experience here, I admit.  I just seems to me that if a certain celebrity newscaster has been through four failed marriages that there has to be something else going on besides "irreconcilable differences."  I'm just saying....

From this outsider's point of view, it would seem that to these people marriage is viewed as a disposable relationship. "If it doesn't work out MY way, I'll just walk away and pay the lawyers to get me a huge settlement" seems to be the sentiment of all together too many people. Yet certain, more public of these people seem to have the most to say about what threatens "traditional marriage."  Frankly, I feel they have no ground upon which to stand in this conversation. If they can't figure out how to preserve their own marriages, how can they make healthy judgements about what is a threat to "traditional marriage." 

For many, marriage isn't even in the vocabulary.  "Lets live together, raise children together, and avoid all the complications of marriage."  And really, who can blame them given the painful experience they had as children of divorce with one parent playing the kids against the other parent, using them as pawns to hurt the other, or even hurting the children as a means to get back at the other parent.  Without the commitment to permanence there is no marriage, let alone "traditional marriage."

So, with all the concern expressed about the fate of traditional "marriage," here is my response

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If you want to preserve marriage, start with your own -- do you communicate well, negotiate differences fairly, treat one another with respect and dignity, and act as though you plan to spend your lives together, or are you in the marriage only until things feel uncomfortable? And, if you're concerned upon the effect a marriage has on family values, start in the same place -- practice these same values so your children will learn them and have strong marriages themselves. 

When I posted the first draft of these thoughts on my Facebook page, I started a firestorm of comments from my friends and relatives who have been through divorces and perhaps felt targeted by my comments about divorce.  I hope this clarifies from where I'm coming.