Peaking hope

Sabbath dawns:
Look east -- hope rises!
Look west -- horizons of opportunity!
Look north -- light in the darkness!
Look south -- Spirit breathes new life!
Look within -- stirring transformation oozes forth!
Look without -- sojourners abound.
Look! Sabbath dawns!
Shalom peeks forth

Wednesday

I've taken a break from Facebook.  It's amazing to me how much time it takes to just catch up with 24 hours of friends' activities.  Oh, I've done the filtering thing on the site:  I've set the "settings" on each contact to show me just the "important" things (however FB defines that), and only the "life events," "status," and "photos."  And still I found myself spending too much time scrolling through the happenings and views of others. So, four weeks ago I posted that I was temporarily deactivating my account.  Three weeks ago, I did just that.

I appreciate social media; it allows me to feel connected to friends and family, colleagues and classmates while I am geographically separated.  I enjoy hearing about the children of my nieces and nephews, the travels of my siblings, the "church stories" of colleagues in ministry, the life happenings of former parishioners.

Faith and ministry are both about connected-ness, about relationships, and about the inter-related-ness of souls.  As in any connection, deep and honest communication between the parties is essential to continued growth, ongoing trust, and, frankly, the success of the relationship.

Deep and honest communication.  Facebook statuses are not deep and not always honest.  They may be informational. They may be humorous.  And they may even express a deep thought.  Deep and honest communication requires more than digital dots on an electronic screen.  Deep and honest communication requires listening from the heart, discerning the heart and (e)motion of the speaker, and sharing in the experience of the other.

The word "companion" has significant meaning for me.  "Com" means to share with.  "Panos" comes from the word for bread. In ancient cultures, sharing bread with another is the sign that the two are equals, inter-related, and bonded.  Bread is a basic need for human sustenance.  Sharing bread indicates the base similarity between those around the loaf.

Faith and spiritual growth does not happen without the same sharing of bread -- both with others on the journey and with God.  It requires listening from the heart; discerning the heart of God; sharing in the joy, pain, frustration, tedium of our Partner on the journey.

In our world of social media where even young teens have hundreds of "friends,"  too often we practice "Facebook Faith."  Too often we spend inordinate amounts of time on the informational, pictoral, and in-passing aspects of our faith relationships. Too often congregations expend more energy on the mechanical and mortar aspects of life together than being (with) the Body of Christ.  This is not the bread that feeds us.  This is not the bread the nurtures our growth.  This is not the bread of life.

I've taken a break from Facebook while I ponder, explore, and seek to reconnect with the bread that feeds the soul, nourishes the spirit, and grows the spark of Christ within me.

Moving Into the Future: Renewing, Recycling, and Reducing

Exhaustion, uncertainty, and overwhelmed.  Those are words that resonate well with me these days.  

With our home on the market and potential buyers walking though with just a couple of hours notice, I've had to keep the counters cleared, the floors clean, and the evidence of our leaving under control.  As I take things off the walls, I patch the hanger holes and touch up the paint.  As I fill a box with the stuff of daily living, I try to rearrange the space so everything looks "normal" to a visitor.  As the boxes stack higher and wider in the garage, I try to keep the chaos in order.  It's exhausting to move!

Yet, there's the anxiety of not knowing where I'm going, of whether the house will sell before my consulting work is finished (then where would I live until it's done?!), of whether I'll have a position to move to when both are done.  There are days when I feel like I'm walking on a gang plank while blind folded; I don't know where the end of the board is, how far it is to the water, and how far I'll have to swim (tho I'm confident I can swim) before I find security.  

So much to do, so much to think about, so much unknown.  There's that interview with that church, items to mail to another church, items to upload for another church, a sermon to write for Sunday, interviews to conduct with members of the consulting church, bulletins to write, work on that dissertation (no, it's not yet accepted), yadda, yadda, yadda.  Walking is a great stress reliever, but the blisters from my new Ryka's limit that.  So I pack boxes.  

Can you find the two cats?

This afternoon the bed Dan will take to Ohio is covered in the items that have been on our walls.   I've packed the "power walls" and the family photos. What remains are the decorative items that each have significance to us as a couple: a clock given to us as a wedding gift, a framed print of celebration, original art work from Cape Cod artists, photos of our parents, mementos from our travels here and abroad, my mother's hand blown glass barometer and so much more. These are the evidence of our lives together, memories of time gone.  There is nothing on the bed that I could not live without.  There is little I would choose to dispose, however.  Memories revive us when we're exhausted, anchor us in these times of uncertainty, and steady us when we are overwhelmed.

In our nearly 30 years of marriage, we have moved together 12 times; we have moved into separate homes (doing separate and distant ministries while living a commuter marriage) four times.  This will be the fifth.  This is deja vu all over again!  As before, there are boxes all over the house as we gather what Dan will need in his "borrowed living space" in the parsonage of his interim ministry.  Once again, there are packing materials all over the house as we also pack most of our home to make a major move (when the Spirit decides to tell where to go!).  Once again our cats are feeling insecure as their favorite hiding places vanish. Once again, we struggle to devise creative meals from what exists in our refrigerator and cupboards.  These things are echoes of past experiences. 

As I wrap the protective paper and bubble wrap around each item, as it is carefully placed inside protective cardboard, as it is securely sealed with tape the memories of times behind us are neatly packaged and secured.  These will be the anchors in the days yet to come.  

Every faith community needs to move every now and again in order to be anchored in their identity as a part of the body of Christ. Every congregation needs to carefully comb through their existence and recycle or refuse the traditions, patterns, issues, and stuff of life together.  They need to handle the facets of their being and check for relevancy, quality, and depth of faith.  They need to determine and secure those things that are of value and bid farewell to those that are not.  Each member of the congregation needs to listen for the still small voice of the Spirit that calls forth the path and passion for ministry in the name of the Body of Christ.  Men will dream dreams and women will see visions.  Children will lead them into a new way of being the Church. 

Rejection

So the final count of votes is in. I'm not to be the candidate for the church that I felt is an excellent fit for my ministry gifts.

I was in a meeting in Indianapolis when I received an e-mail arrived in my in box. I felt my face turn red and watched my hands begin to shake when I saw the return address on my iPad. I excused myself from the meeting and sat down in the office of a friend who helped me read it. The committee was meeting that afternoon and she would call me afterward. No hint of what was to come. But small tell tale signs in the language of earlier notes had given away some of what had been happening at the search committee meetings. She had started signing e-mails "Your Friend, ......" She had asked if I was “even still interested” in the position.

I left the meeting early so I could be well away from others when the call came. I drove half way home and sat in a Wal-Mart parking lot waiting for the call to come. The time arrived, then passed. I sat nervously playing a game on my phone while I waited. Then the phone rang.

Initially, it was small talk about the weather – not a good sign. I could hear the pain in the voice of the woman who has for 6 months called or emailed me almost weekly as she told me the search committee could not reach a consensus about candidates and would be searching into the Fall. I was not to be their candidate for their pastoral position.

The only reason given was that they could not agree that it would be a good fit. There was something about how they had to think of the whole congregation and not just their own feelings, and something else I can’t remember. All of that was a blur as I tried to focus on her pain in having to make this phone call, as I realized she really didn’t want to make this call. While she never said it, I could hear that this was the hardest phone call she ever had to make. So long as I could focus on her, I could be numb to the emptiness, the panic, the absolute void that was growing in my own gut.

The tone of my voice probably gave away my disappointment. I thanked her for her call. I told her things would work out for the church and wished her the best in their discernment. I held back my own tears as I hit the “end call” button. I sent a one word text message to Dan, “Nope”, and quickly powered down the phone so I wouldn’t have to talk to anyone. I sat in that parking lot and let the tears fall. Six months of waiting for an answer was over. I had the answer and now I wish I hadn’t prayed so hard for an answer. I was at once angry, doubting, and hurt. 

Angry because I felt (feel) so strongly that this was the church to which I was called and there is a more than a bit of injustice in the belief that you’re called only to not be called. What’s up with that? 

Angry because this is the 104th “No Thank You” I've received from churches in 15 months. I've not gotten so much as an interview with most before they sent out the form letter offered as an example in the Search and Call materials. I've been the bridesmaid so many times and wonder when my opportunity to be the bride will ever be.

Doubt: How many rejections can a person handle before they begin to question their own value and ability?

Hurt because after nearly 29 years of ministry, placement staff – specifically one that knows me well – are telling me that I can’t expect to get a position in anything but the smallest of congregations because my tenure in congregations has been primarily interim, short term ministry.  Healing and renewing congregations who are between pastors, in conflict, or having experienced loss or division disqualifies me to bring a healthy congregation into the future why?

Hurt because without even looking for a position, Dan was OFFERED a position -- in a new ministry direction at that! So despite it being my turn to take the call and him follow me, he’s moving into interim ministry before I have a called position; our house is on the market because so long as I'm unemployed and he lives in a parsonage, there is no housing allowance and therefore the lack of funds to pay the mortgage. I have actively sought a position and had 104 nos. He’s not even looked and has an offer. Where is the justice in that?

Hurt because while I sit alone in an emptying house looking for a distraction from my anger, doubt, and hurt, Dan has a wedding to officiate, worship services to plan, youth activities to organize, and social gatherings to attend… and does, leaving me to face my anger, doubt, and hurt alone. Not that his presence here would make it all go away.

I left the phone on the seat next to me as I drove the 2 lane roads that connect to the unfinished I-69 that would take me home. There is comfort in the geography that looks so much like that of my youth in the Berkshires. The slower traffic in front of me offered the opportunity to let the colors of spring flowers and the budding leaves wash away the negativity within me. The rain on the windshield masked the stream flowing down my face.

Just before I pulled on to the interstate, I emailed the woman who had called me. I thanked her for the call. I acknowledged that it was a difficult call for her to make. I assured her that we’d all get through this. I offered her blessings on the continued search.

Then I deleted her contact information from my address book.

Moving on means moving through the anger, doubt, and hurt.  Getting onto that interstate ramp, seeing the straight and empty road ahead, knowing that home was an hour ahead, I pressed the pedal to the floor and let the engine roar until any grit and carbon in the fuel injection system was history. I  have to travel this road, but I'll do it at my own speed.  I know where home is; I know how to get there.  I just wish the road weren't so lonely.

Search and Call in the Days of eHarmony

From another of my Blogs:  This is one of several posts that reflect upon the Search and Call Process within the United Church of Christ; they are decidedly from the PASTOR's point of view.  I'd love to hear from Local Church Search Committee Members about the system from your perspective.


So much of what we do these days is instant:  Baked potatoes and popcorn in the microwave, dinner in minutes at the fast food drive-thru, taxes filed on line in the blink of an eye and refunds deposited directly into your checking account.  Even the dating scene has been condensed with Speed Dating Events and on line dating services like Match.com and e-Harmony dot com.

Wouldn’t it be something if the process of Search and Call could be as nicely condensed?  

e-Harmony and Match both have online questionnaires that ask everything from the quirky to the intimate. The more in-depth of the two, e-Harmony, has hundreds of questions that range from preferences for ideal first dates to personal values.  Using algorithms, these dating services match one member's responses with similar and complimentary response patterns from another member. 

Picture a system where pastoral and congregational profiles are all completed on line in the likeness of eHarmony dot com.  Imagine, instead of a self appraisal section on the profile, the pastor rates his agreement with statements on a scale of 1 to 10 with 1 being "Completely disagree" and 10 being "Completely agree" or "Never" and "Always."  Can you picture each reference for the pastor also responding to these questions about the pastor?   What if instead of having to choose 12 qualities from a long list of possible qualities, the pastor and her references were asked to rank each of the qualities from 1 to 10?   For the congregational profile, would it be possible to have members of the congregation complete a 100 question survey about their church where their responses are made on a "fill in the dot" method with the option to fill it out on line? 

If these things were possible, the areas of a pastor's experience and expertise could be paired with the leadership needs of the congregation; the interpersonal relation style complimented with the personalities of the congregation; value systems matched; and theological leanings paired.  References could be tagged with key words in the narrative sections.  Through the magic of computer logic and e-Harmony technology, the profiles of the candidates best suited for St. Johns’ By the Gas Station would be sent to the search committee for follow-up.  For the Pastoral Search Committee, the difficult process of developing all those statistics for the profile would be eliminated; tediousness of reading 50 profiles in depth would be nearly eliminated since only the best matches would be sent to them.  Pastors would no longer need to   blindly send their profiles to congregations for whom they have only a 100 word description from the Employment Opportunities Database.  The most tedious portions of the search and call process could be eliminated and the most fruitful possibilities could be explored in more depth.  

In the end, the call to or by a congregation would still be discerned through a lot of up close and personal time spent together between the candidate and the search committee, a careful listening to references and the Holy Spirit, and prayerful contemplation over what is the best direction for everyone.  But wouldn't it be something if we could eliminate some of the busy work (and potentially political rubbings) out of the initial process?

Of course, this is a pipe dream.  Our system of Search and Call is entrenched in paper and ink so that the process of discerning God’s plan for each part of the Body of Christ can be most openly explored – because we all know that God works through paper and ink!  Isn’t that why the Bible was written down instead of given to Moses on a USB Jump Drive?

While MESA[i]  has made advances toward the digital age, we have a long way to go.  There is limited uniformity in the process from region to region. Some conferences interpret the Search and Call Manual one way while others follow a different interpretation of the procedures; the candidates have no idea what interpretation to follow.  For example, does the Neutral Pulpit follow the "old rule" that Search Committees invite just one candidate at a time to a neutral pulpit and go to the next candidate only if the first doesn't work out, or, do they invite all their top candidates to neutral pulpits?  A recent bit of my own experience was a painful lesson in the lack of uniformity. 

The staff from Conferences/Associations meet with search committees to explain their version of the protocols; and local church autonomy allows them to follow or disregard them.  The search committees usually enter into a covenantal agreement with the regional body to accept only applications that have come through the MESA process; but I’ve yet to work with a congregation whose search committee doesn’t have the discussion about what to do with the informal applications they’ve received from the friend of someone’s Cousin BZBee.  

Search committees are instructed to complete the standard profile, but are allowed, and often encouraged by conference/association staff, to add photos and other narrative to increase the readability of their profiles.  In most regions, the churches are responsible for distributing their own profiles; often the copy a candidate receives does not have the comments of the regional staff or any indication the regional staff have seen it (though of course they have!).  The system offers a series of form letters and protocols but these are left up to each search committee to use or not; all too many use the form letters verbatim.  Friends who have served on local church search committees say that from their perspective, the most challenging part of the search is assembling all of the data and leadership statement of the congregation, and finding the time to meet and discuss the profiles of pastors who apply.  

Search Committees can recruit, or headhunt, pastors any way they choose.  Recently, a large metropolitan church widely (and blindly) circulated their professionally produced, color, glossy 24 page narrative version of their profile to every pastor within 1000 miles of their church who had 15 or more years of experience and 8 or more years in their current church – information gleaned from the now searchable UCC Yearbook; the search committee had applicants before the position was advertised in the then weekly Employment Opportunities and within 2 months had a “hold on profiles” status in that publication.  While this is the exception and not the rule, churches with means and resources can and do supplement and expedite their search for a pastor.

Further adding to the lack of uniformity is the reduced staffing in many conferences.  More and more churches are left on their own with very little coaching and follow-up by the regional staff due to cut backs.  When churches are arranging their own neutral pulpits and devising their own means of advertising and attracting candidates, pastoral candidates are left with very little assistance in understanding the process being used -- because often the regional staff are out of the loop after approving the church's profile.

It does not help that the Search and Call Manual does not contain a clear flowchart of the procedure.  It lists the various steps, but not with any instruction about the order to follow or the expected protocols.  

Pastors have very limited ability to actively market themselves to congregations.  For them, the search is much more regimented and and often merciless.  Only profiles circulated through MESA can be used; pastors are given only a PDF copy of the profile that is stamped "NOT FOR CIRCULATION." MESA does not allow the pastors to reformat or add photos (or anything else creative) to the profiles that are circulated; a ministerial profile is dull and not inviting to the readers with its 10 point Times Roman Font and set number of characters in each field.  There is no room for any creativity or individuation within the profile for the pastors.  Even specialties and certifications of most sorts are not allowed to be listed under certifications unless they are recognized by the denomination—which is limited to Christian Education.

 Those famous 12 characteristics of ministry chosen by the references and pastor are most often a qualitative means by which the candidate can be eliminated; during many Search Committee orientation meetings, regional staff instruct the committee to match the qualities the congregation has chosen as its 12 preferences to the most commonly chosen qualities chosen by the candidate and her references.  Heaven forbid the candidate have a variety of gifts recognized differently by each reference!  The employment history is limited to the previous three positions with no option to add to this except as “supplemental pages” which are limited in length.  While it is protocol for the pastor’s profile to sent to the search committees at the request of the pastor; it is not an uncommon practice for conference staff to place some profiles in the “recommended” pile when sending these profiles to the committee; but of course, there are no politics involved in the search because each congregation is autonomous and open to the Holy Spirit’s leading! 

The protocol of most conferences prohibits pastors from contacting congregations to which they have applied until such time as the search committee tells the pastor they are interested in them. In short, there is little a pastor can do to help their profile stand out from among others.  The pastor is at the mercy of the search committees and the “call of the Spirit.”

The search is no piece of cake for either the church or the candidates.  Some churches – particularly the smaller and rural congregation – have a difficult time attracting candidates.  While it is not unusual for a search to take two years, some congregations listed in the current database have been searching for 3 or more years; and many, many more have simply stopped looking.  While some search committees have the resources to advertise beyond the Employment Opportunities and receive hundreds of applications, others are lucky to receive ten profiles from the available “open” profiles in the regional office; of these, there may be two candidates actually interested in the church.  A search committee operates under a fair amount of pressure.  Members' schedules and the steep learning curve of this work lead often to confusing and frustrating progress. Further, in our denomination  there are nearly 5200 congregations and fewer than 3500 active clergy; so it would seem our Search and Call process gives clergy "the pick of the bunch." These are disheartening for the Search Committees.  How well the search and call process works for the congregation is closely linked to the location of the church, and the financial resources and personnel expertise available to the committee. 

For the pastor, the possibility of serving another congregation often distracts her from the work of the current parish. Or worse, the “use by date” on his effectiveness has already passed and he is anxiously seeking new ministry possibilities. Once a pastor starts the search process, she often begins to unconsciously distance herself from her current congregation while she is waiting for the "process."   And the search has a lot of waiting:  

• for MESA to process the profile and circulate it to the conferences;

• for a search committee to acknowledge receipt of the profile;

• for a search committee to let the candidate know they are among the candidates whose profiles are being retained for further reading; 

• for the search committee to request further information of the candidate – video graphed sermons and other writings; 

• for the search committee to invite the candidate to a phone or video interview; 
• to hear back from the search committee that they are still interested in the pastor; 

• for the search committee to interview (all the) other candidates in which they have an interest, or to advertise elsewhere to find more candidates. 

And the work of the search committee is dependent upon the schedules of its members and of the congregation.  Very little communication between committees and candidates happens between Thanksgiving and New Years and between Memorial Dan and Labor Day.  And in the meantime, the pastor is waiting for the Holy Spirit to make her move.

A pastor may begin go look for a new position in January and not be invited for a trial sermon until May two years later. If she is voted in by the congregation, she won’t start for yet another two or three months.  That is a very long time to spend “in transition.”

In our denomination, there are 5194 congregations and fewer than 3500 active (unretired) pastors (3064 pastors, 416 Associate Pastors and Christian Ed professionals).  At any time, therefore, there will be 2130 congregations without pastoral leadership.  Many of these are not actively seeking a pastor.  In the February 8 set of results from the Database of Employment Opportunities[ii], there were 192 congregations looking for a pastor or associate pastor; 50 of these were seeking part time leadership.  Statistically, pastors are in short supply and should not have a problem finding a new position rather quickly.  In reality, the search and call system works at its best at glacial speed.

In the secular world, where the Holy Spirit has little voice in who is hired, the position is advertised with a date by which all applications will be received; candidates submit their resumes/applications either on line or through a kiosk on the premise; human resource specialists choose a select number to interview within a short period of time; the top candidates are chosen for a second interview; the best candidate is chosen for the position and starts the position in two to four weeks.  The whole process might take six weeks. 

In the church, the process is expected to take TWO YEARS.  Why?

Match dot com boasts that its matches result in more couples and more weddings than old fashioned dating services. 

Every year, hundreds of thousands of people find love on Match.com. …. Match.com continues to redefine the way single men and single women meet, flirt, date and fall in love… Match.com can help you find the date or relationship that fits you best.[iii]

eHarmony goes a step further and claims to find more than a match but a quality relationship through specific compatibility traits (discovered through a survey of 400+ questions).

Of all the single men or women you may meet online, very few will be compatible with you specifically, and it can be difficult to determine the level of compatibility of a potential partner through methods of conventional dating services – browsing classified ads, online personals, or viewing profile photos. Our Compatibility Matching System does the work for you by narrowing the field from thousands of single prospects to match you with a select group of compatible matches with whom you can build a quality relationship.[iv]

While search and call can never be an online dating service for pastors and churches, I look forward to the day when we have a streamlined and efficient system that uses technology as well as the Holy Spirit to match congregations and pastors in a quarter of the time it now takes.  

In the meantime, I am still waiting for the Spirit to move.

---

[i] MESA -- The Ministerial Excellence, Support & Authorization Ministry Team—replaced OCLL – Office of Church Life and Leadership -- and is responsible for ministerial placement, among other things,  within the U.C.C.

[ii] http://oppsearch.ucc.org/web/advancesearch.aspx accessed at 4:10 p.m on February 8, 2013.

[iii] From  http://www.match.com accessed at 5:15 p.m on February 8, 2013.

[iv] From http://www.eharmony.com  accessed at 5:24p.m. on February 8, 2013.

(Pro?)Found Facebook Posts

Sometimes I am amazed when I go back through old Facebook posts and find gems I've jotted down in haste and forgotten.  Here's a few from a gleaning of my Facebook page.

Call to Life

Wednesday, August 4, 2010 at 4:04am via mobile

The morning light on the horizon gives one the assurance of the promise of new life. Good morning life!

Morning Charge

Sunday, August 15, 2010 at 5:00am via mobile

Golden rays of light and promise spray from the horizon. A new day is birth. How will I live the promise today?

Call to Worshipful Living

Tuesday, September 21, 2010 at 5:56am

The Morning Star shone brightly this morning in the predawn sky. Tho the daylight blocks my view, that Star still shines with the same radiance, still glows the same warm light into our distracted lives. Look up! Your light shines!

9/11, Anger, Forgiveness

Saturday, September 11, 2010 at 8:34am

When we confuse forgetting with forgiving, we become our own enemy. We will never forget. The question is, "Are we brave enough and strong enough to forgive?" Or will we become like them: vengeful, angry, and fueled by hate?

An Epiphany Song

Thursday, January 6, 2011 at 4:07pm via HTC Sense

Awake! Awake, and greet the new day!
Greet the new morning and be on your way
The people are starving, employment they seek
Awake and be ready to empower the weak

Awake! Awake and open your heart
The dawn is our sign of faiths journey to start
The weary seek rest and the hungry a meal
Awake and make haste for our God is made real.

Awake! Awake! And greet the new morn!
The prophets await us and Jonah's forlorn.
Arise! Get you started. The kingdom's at hand.
Good News is for sharing--bring word of God's plan.

Money Laundering

Monday, November 21, 2011 at 8:28pm near Tell City, IN via mobile

I just discovered I put my American Express card thru the washer and dryer. I have no money to launder so I launder my credit! Just like the bankers.

Being Exercised

Monday, February 13, 2012 at 8:42am near Tell City, IN

Hamsters and gerbils exercise by running on wheels; they get no where. Humans do the same on treadmills, don't we? What's the treadmill that gets you exercised but takes you no where? What are you jumping upon that gets your heart pounding and your brow wet but never moves toward change. It's time to get out of the wheel and onto the path toward our futures.

Good News

April 24, 2012 — in Tell City, IN.

Today I broke my necklace. But I heard it drop to the floor and didn't lose it.

Today I lost my phone. But I called it and found it inside a three ring binder in my desk drawer.

Today I got 107 pieces of junk e-mail. But I got one note saying my Doctoral Project has been cleared for development. 

It's been a good day. 

Values and Money

January 12, 2013 via mobile

Which theologian said that our budget reflects our values? It never ceases to amaze me that the very people who complain that they have no money for (name that ministry or church) are the same ones who manage to take extravagant vacations, buy all kinds of gadgets and toys, and buy new cars every year. Priorities are displayed in how we spend our money.

Open House, Open Heart

Getting ready for a new pastor to inhabit the parsonage, the church trustees decided to refinish the custom made kitchen cabinets rather than replace them.  This required removing all the cabinet doors and drawer fronts, and exposed everything hidden behind them.  What I had kept hidden, or at least out of site, was exposed.  The untidy accumulation of food items, dishes, cleaning supplies, and small appliances -- the tools of my daily living in temporary space -- were now in plain sight. Guests (more likely workers) who came into the kitchen could now see all that unorganized and motley assortment of my living.

Sometimes I feel like this: I'm a doorless cabinet where all that I am is exposed for God to see. And God accepts and loves me anyway. We can clean out our cabinets, but sometimes we require deeper renewal: Taking off the doors is the only way to refurbish the soul within. 

From the Pulpit Perspective....

I believe this speaks for itself:

The Congregation from the Preacher's Perspective.....   walking on coals.

I came across this while re-reading a book this morning. I have enjoyed this parable as means to imagine change in a tangible way. A link to the author's original work is found in the byline and at the end of the post.  

Turning the Fear of Transformation into the
Transformation of Fear

by Danaan Parry

Sometimes I feel that my life is a series of trapeze swings. I'm either hanging on to a trapeze bar swinging along or, for a few moments in my life, I'm hurtling across space in between trapeze bars.

Most of the time, I spend my life hanging on for dear life to my trapeze-bar-of-the-moment. It carries me along at a certain steady rate of swing and I have the feeling that I'm in control of my life.

I know most of the right questions and even some of the answers.

But every once in a while as I'm merrily (or even not-so-merrily) swinging along, I look out ahead of me into the distance and what do I see? I see another trapeze bar swinging toward me. It's empty and I know, in that place in me that knows, that this new trapeze bar has my name on it. It is my next step, my growth, my aliveness coming to get me. In my heart of hearts I know that, for me to grow, I must release my grip on this present, well-known bar and move to the new one.

Each time it happens to me I hope (no, I pray) that I won't have to let go of my old bar completely before I grab the new one. But in my knowing place, I know that I must totally release my grasp on my old bar and, for some moment in time, I must hurtle across space before I can grab onto the new bar.

Each time, I am filled with terror. It doesn't matter that in all my previous hurtles across the void of unknowing I have always made it. I am each time afraid that I will miss, that I will be crushed on unseen rocks in the bottomless chasm between bars. I do it anyway. Perhaps this is the essence of what the mystics call the faith experience. No guarantees, no net, no insurance policy, but you do it anyway because somehow to keep hanging on to that old bar is no longer on the list of alternatives. So, for an eternity that can last a microsecond or a thousand lifetimes, I soar across the dark void of "the past is gone, the future is not yet here."

It's called "transition." I have come to believe that this transition is the only place that real change occurs. I mean real change, not the pseudo-change that only lasts until the next time my old buttons get punched.

I have noticed that, in our culture, this transition zone is looked upon as a "no-thing," a noplace between places. Sure, the old trapeze bar was real, and that new one coming towards me, I hope that's real, too. But the void in between? Is that just a scary, confusing, disorienting nowhere that must be gotten through as fast and as unconsciously as possible?

NO! What a wasted opportunity that would be. I have a sneaking suspicion that the transition zone is the only real thing and the bars are illusions we dream up to avoid the void where the real change, the real growth, occurs for us. Whether or not my hunch is true, it remains that the transition zones in our lives are incredibly rich places. They should be honored, even savored. Yes, with all the pain and fear and feelings of being out of control that can (but not necessarily) accompany transitions, they are still the most alive, most growth-filled, passionate, expansive moments in our lives.

We cannot discover new oceans unless we have the courage to lose sight of the shore.

Anonymous

So, transformation of fear may have nothing to do with making fear go away, but rather with giving ourselves permission to "hang out" in the transition between trapezes. Transforming our need to grab that new bar, any bar, is allowing ourselves to dwell in the only place where change really happens. It can be terrifying. It can also be enlightening in the true sense of the word. Hurtling through the void, we just may learn how to fly. 

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From the book Warriors of the Heart by DanaanParry.